why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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