i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
