you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
