I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
