alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
