You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
