so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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