so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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