Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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