I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
