carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
