He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
