Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
