All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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