Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
