I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
