So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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