so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
