I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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