The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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