Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
