it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
