OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
