He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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