no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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