Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
