hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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