no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
