I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
