i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize