READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
