I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
