i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize