Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
