Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
