Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
