Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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