"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
if only i could text you this smell
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
