Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
