Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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