He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
