I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
