If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
