Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
