how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
