You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Too much gin, very little bucket
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And then my night got REAL pukey
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
