Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
