Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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