YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
