Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
