The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
