i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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