i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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