This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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