I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
