i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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