just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
