his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
