a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
