I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
