Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
