He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
