Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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